Bad Ass
by Yumi-Tsubato
Summary: Canada has a problem. America is only interrested in buff dudes that can make him submit in bed and that's, of course, the last thing our shy nation can do. Now, our sweet Canada has joined Prussia for most awesome body building trainning and created a bad ass alter ego which will help him get laid. Or will it just destroy his life and respect? CANAME in that order HIATUS
1. Let's Try To Get In America's Pants

**SO WHO'S READY FOR A SHITY TON OF RANDOMNESS AND MIND FUCK!?**

**I know I am.**

**I don't have much to say on this besides that it was kinda inspired by the movie Youth Revolt (staring the most awesome Scott Pil- I mean Micheal Cera) so yea...  
I'm not too sure on how 2P!Canada works or whatever but I assume he's pretty bad ass so that's what my working with. Feel free to give me a detailed description on how he is if you wish to help and remember he only comes in NEXT chapter.**

**So**

**ENJOY!**

* * *

It was a rather complicated matter for Canada. The shy, invisible nation was in love with the booming, bright, attention whore everyone knew as America; however said blond country had no eyes for him in such a romantic way mostly because the Super Power viewed Canada as a best friend.

Oh, that dreaded friend zone.

How painful.

Not only that but America was strictly interested in manly men that would make him submit as to get their way. It was a secret kink that the nation kept secret but freely admitted to it to Canada who was, of course, his best friend.

"I don't even know what to do…" Canada moaned as he dropped his head on the table once he finished his Canadian beer.

"You just need to work out!" Prussia declared with a grin, "And you need to become bad ass!"

"Look at me!" Canada gestured to himself, "I'm a born weenie!"

Prussia tried not to laugh at the – true – remark but it slipped out regardless his efforts to tame it.

"Right," Canada groaned glaring at his friend, "Kick me when I'm down. That'll help."

"Don't even worry about it!" Prussia said nonchalantly waving his hand, dismissing Canada's evident worry. "I'll actually become your awesome trainer and you'll get buff before you know it! Then America will fall into your arms and you can just ravage that nice ass of his!"

Canada blushed lightly but that might have been because of the beer, "…how do you know it would work out…?"

Prussia sighed; it wasn't easy to convince Canada to do anything if he continued on questioning the topic and so the ex-nation had to resolved to showing his new student the master piece of his work.

"Canada." He began slowly.

"Yeah…?" the other moaned in response as he buried his face into the wooden table.

"Tell me," Prussia paused until Canada gave him the eye contact he wanted, "What do you see when you look at West?"

"Germany?" Canada repeated.

"_Ja_."

"I see an abnormally buff dude that can scare the crap outta Death when pissed." Canada answered in all honesty.

"Good." Prussia approved, he nodded and took a swing of the large mug of beer. "And guess who made him so awesomely muscular?"

"Definitely not you." Canada responded bluntly before burying his face in the table again.

"Why would you say that!?" the Prussian barked, "It _was_ the awesome me who made him that way!"

"Then why are you so scrawny compared to him?"

Prussia stared at his friend intensely before answering, "I do have some muscles you know."

"Clearly not as much as him." Canada replied, he wasn't necessarily realising how harsh whatever he was saying was but that was probably due to the beer. Always the beer. "I mean, Germany's more suited to be a body builder whereas…you're not."

"Why are you being so mean!?" Prussia snapped in a whiny tone. "If you always get like this when you're tipsy then I don't want to see you drunk at all! You're not awesome right now!"

Canada finally sat up and apologized, "Sorry, I'm just…frustrated…."

At that moment, Germany walked into the built in bar of the house along with Italy that was, of course, chatting his ear off about pasta, pizza, white flags and other things the taller nation would consider _crap_.

"Ha! West is here!" Prussia yelled as he noticed his brother.

This loud remark made Germany snap his head upwards and cautiously study the situation but, before he could begin to do so, Prussia gave out an order that made Germany realise he had walked into the right place at the wrong time.

"West! Take off your shirt right now!"

Such a command made Germany blush and just as he was about to refuse, Italy spoke for him. The small brunette literally jumped on Germany, covering his torso with his body as he denied access to view the German's chest.

"_P__ervertito!_" Italy yelled, but not roughly as to seem angry because he wasn't, "Do you not know that we only reveal our most sacred body only to _fare l'amore_?"

"Oh come on!" Prussia whined, "I just want to show Canada what I'm able to do."

"_Cosa_? What do you mean _able to do_?" Italy asked suspiciously, none would have guessed how possessive he was towards his lover.

"Calm your tits," Prussia sighed, "I didn't mean it _that _way. I meant that I want to show how awesome my body building skills are to Canada."

"Body building?" Italy repeated and searched Germany's face for answers.

Germany blushed a little more and looked away, "When I was younger, Prussia made it his duty to make me a…"

"Sexy killing machine!" Prussia finished with a grin of pride.

"_Ja_, sure…" Germany mumbled staring at the ceiling now.

Italy's eyes were wide but not with fear or shock; they were wide from immense happiness. Italy jumped towards Prussia who had been standing behind the counter and grabbed his hands as large tears poured down his cute, Italian face.

"_Oh mio Dio_!" Italy cried, "You are the Master who made _mio amore_ into such a sexy beast? I bless you! _Grazie! _Oh dearest _grazie_ Prussia!"

Prussia smiled bashfully whereas Canada just stared at the scene confused to why it was such a big deal. Clearly, the North American country had yet to see Germany's gorgeous body.

"I still don't understand the big deal here…" Canada stated as he leaned against his hand, bored.

"Ah! You will see _Canada_!" Italy giggled as he skipped over to his lover that had decided staying next to the door would be safest for him but had underestimated the situation once more. "_Germania_! Why don't you take your shirt off?"

Germany blushed darkly and shook his head, "_Nein_, not under this circumstance! I will not display my body for such vile admiration!"

"Come on, West!" Prussia encouraged brightly, "It's for Canada! He has to see the fruits of my work to be convinced to let me guide him to muscular-ness."

"That's not even a word, _bruder_."

"_Wie auch immer_." Prussia retorted, "Just take off your shirt and get it over with. It's going to happen one way or the other."

With a heavy sigh, Germany lifted his shirt and revealed his gorgeous torso, his delicious muscles and his desirable skin. Canada's jaw dropped to the floor and only closed once Germany let his shirt fall over his chest, covering the treasure hidden beneath.

"So when do we start?" Canada asked.

Prussia laughed his usual, odd, laugh, "I knew that would convince you! And we start tomorrow!"

Canada nodded satisfied and thus ordered another beer before asking one last thing. "Is this going to turn out like one of those sappy, chick flick situations?"

"What do you mean?" Prussia asked passing the Canadian his beer.

"Like, where you help me work out, we get real close and then, when I finally get America, I realise you were the one for me all along." He explained.

"Pff. I doubt it." Prussia stated with a grin, "My boners are for West only."

And with that last comment, Germany immediately retreated the building as Italy chased after him, asking him why he had the feeling that Germany had had sexual intercourse with the ex-nation before.

"That's disturbing. He's your brother."

"Isn't it the same thing for you?" Prussia retorted, he didn't appreciate being judge.

"He's _like_ my brother because we're so close, but he's not my actual brother." Canada explained with a heavy sigh, "We just grew up together, is all."

"Well…then yeah my desires are pretty disturbing and unique." Prussia admitted, "But that doesn't matter! We're going to train like there's no tomorrow until you get some ass!"

* * *

_Pervertito –_ Pervert (in Italian)

_Fare l'amore_ – make love (in Italian)

_Cosa_ – What? (in Italian)

_Mio Dio_ – my God! (in Italian)

_Mio amore_ – my love (in Italian)

_Germania_ – Germany (in Italian)

_Wie auch immer_ – Whatever (in German)

* * *

**So I decided to just do that instead of putting a * next to non English words (I am lazy)**

**So 2P!Canada alter ego man comes in like, next chapter (maybe)**

**So tell me what you think of this thing so far!**

**SEE YOU NEXT CHAPTER!**


	2. Let's Test Out Black Magic

**So an anonymous reviewer going by 'Whee' was like: 'Blaah (minus the Blaah) you didn't even try to get Italy right' and to that I say 'Kay :D' because I never get Italy right, no matter how hard I try **OTL

**Possessive Italy is possessive.**

**Anyways, here's the following Chapter full of randomness and butterflies and naked people :D EDIT: (editing on a phone is a bitch) GUEST REVIEWER! Y U SO SMART!?**

**Oh! I also wanna share stats from where some of the readers are from cuz I find it kinda FREAKIN cool xD So most of my readers are from the **US **(no surprise there), then we have people from **Canada, the UK, Philippines, Ukraine, China, Bahrain** (where is that place lol?)**, Panama, Singapore, South Africa, Brazil **(HI CAROLINA!)**, Serbia and Montenegro, Japan, Italy, Cayman Island, Poland, Guyana **and** Virgin Island US. **Thanks for the World Wide views! If you read this, why not review and state the country you're from?  
I'LL START!**

**CANADA!**

**ENJOY!**

* * *

Canada laid sprawled on the floor, covered in a thin layer of sweat with Prussia hovering above him. He breathed heavily and arched his back as he let out a loud scream.

"So…hard…" he huffed, his face was slowly starting to redden.

"Forget about that. It feels good doesn't it?" Prussia encouraged.

"No! It hurts!" Canada barked.

"It'll feel good in a moment," Prussia sighed, "When your body gets used to it."

"I don't think it wi—" Canada interrupted himself and glared at the Prussian, "Ow! You're hurting me!"

"Don't complain!" Prussia snapped back, "It's for the sake of the training! Now try moving."

With all the energy left in his exhausted body, Canada tried his best to do a sit up and succeeded to his and Prussia's great joy.

"Yeah! I did it!" Canada cheered with a smiley grin.

"Don't get too happy!" Prussia ordered as he hit Canada on his head, "It took you ten minutes to do one sit up! Aren't you supposed to be a hockey player or something?"

"Don't criticize me! The season hasn't started again and it might not for the rest of the year!" Canada defended himself; he folded his arms across his chest. "You know, this is difficult."

"Well it wasn't going to be easy!" Prussia stated, "You know, you're acting like such a kid."

"Don't even start that." Canada grumbled, "We all know this is going to end with you crying in a corner."

Prussia didn't reply to that because it was true. It happened every time they began arguing, but that mostly happened because Canada had plenty of opportunity to practice with America.

"Don't you have some trick to make this go faster?" Canada asked exasperated.

"Well…"

"What?"

"You won't believe me…" Prussia said, a playful smirk taking its place on his face.

"Go for it, it can't be that weird. I'm best friends with America." Oof. That touched a nerve.

"A montage."

"A montage?"

"A montage." Prussia confirmed.

"But this isn't a TV show or anything." Canada stated.

"Well, why wouldn't it work for this?" Prussia asked.

"Because this is real life!" Canada answered.

"Of course." Prussia agreed sarcastically, "This is definitely real life."

After a moment of doubtful silence Canada finally agreed to the montage idea and did as such. The worse part of the whole situation was that it actually worked. Canada and Prussia worked out to the song _Eye of the Tiger_, had an emotional moment, hugged it out and ran up a huge stair case.

Finally the moment of truth arrived, they had gotten to the day where Canada would compare his new and – hopefully – sexy body to Germany's to see the difference. For the occasion, Italy had taken the liberty of building a stage – an expensive one – in Germany's house and forcing Speedos on the two nations that would be showing off their body.

"Veeh, I hope I'll be able to control myself once I see _Germania_." Italy giggled holding his cheeks and shaking his head bashfully.

Prussia just looked at him disappointed, "You're such a little pervert."

Whatever conversation Prussia and Italy could have continued having was interrupted by Canada and Germany hidden behind the curtain on the stage

"Why aren't you wearing your Speedo, _Kanada_?" Germany asked loudly, clearly, he was bothered by the fact that he was the only one in it.

"I can't wear it! It's too small!" Canada said in a loud whisper.

"_Was_? What do you mean too small?" Germany gasped, "If it's big enough for me, it's big enough for you!"

"No, not in that sense!" Canada barked back, "Like…my…package…it doesn't fit in the whole thing…"

"_WAS!?_" Germany yelled, "How big are you!? Take off your boxers!"

"What!? No!"

There were groans and struggles and begging and a bunch of other things that would make one think that rape was happening on the other side of the curtain.

"_Mio Dio…_" Italy whispered, his voice dripping with lust, "I wonder how _big_ Canada is…"

"Don't be a pervert!" Prussia schooled.

Just then Canada shrieked, "Y-you ripped them off! You monster!"

"Monster!? Look at the size of that thing! It's huge!" Germany yelled in shock, "And I thought Russia was big!"

"Don't even – Russia?" Canada asked.

Italy jumped in their conversation too at this point, "What do you mean by that, _amore?_"

When Germany didn't answer Italy jumped in behind the curtains. "_Mama mia! I__l suo magnifico!_" Italy screamed in delight.

"I-Italy! Don't stare at him!" Germany stuttered as he tried to grab the Italian and drag him away from the sight of the naked Canada.

"A-ah, _Germania_ do you not think Canada should practice being top…?" Italy asked as he tried to look at the embarrassed, nude nation. "I could do it you know? Be the bottom for him this one time for him to practice…"

"Italy! You are being horrible right now!" Germany finally yelled before pushing his lover through the curtain.

"What am I going to do now?" Canada asked, "I'm butt naked!"

"Don't even worry about that," Prussia called, "Just come out."

"What!? No! I'm naked!" Canada squeaked.

"Canada," Prussia began patiently, which was a little odd because the last thing he was, was patient, "I've seen you naked a bunch of times, I know about that monster cock you hide in your pants and the only other two here have just seen you naked."

Canada stayed quiet for a moment before speaking, "Fine," he said, "But only if Germany's naked with me."

"_WAS_!?" He yelled.

"Well I don't want to be alone!" Canada argued, "Now take it off! It's not like you're that far away from nakedness! Besides, Prussia and Italy have already see you naked!"

"I don't want to!" Germany yelled.

There was struggling at some point but then an exasperated sigh that had followed the sound of something ripping.

"Now we're both naked." Canada declared satisfied.

"Great, now come out." Prussia ordered as he waited with an excited – in more ways than one – Italy.

The curtain on the stage separated dramatically as smoke randomly filled the room for dramatic effect. The silhouette of the two naked men appeared as they ventured forward – awkwardly – to show off their bodies. When the smoke died down, Prussia almost fainted from an epic nosebleed.

"That's a good sign." Germany stated to Canada.

"That depends to which one of us that nosebleed was attributed to." Canada responded warily.

"It's for the both you." Prussia answered as he wiped his nose clean from the blood.

"Veeh, you're not as buff as Germany," Italy pointed out as he skipped for a closer look, "But you're definitely more muscular than most, even America."

It was true.

Although Canada didn't get as big as Germany, the muscles in his chest did grow as did those of his arms and legs making him sexier. However, Canada was still a little disappointed but figured that if he were as muscular as Germany, it would simply look weird on him. He had to face it, his visage held gentle features that one would be wise to know they were not to be trifled with.

"I guess that's good…" Canada sighed.

"Look, your body doesn't matter _that_ much." Prussia informed as he threw some clothes to his friend and his brother, "the next step to seducing America is to altering your…you."

"My _me_?" Canada repeated unconvinced by the Prussian's choice of words.

"Yeah, you know, we have to make you more bad ass and less…." Prussia gestured all of Canada before finishing, "and less you."

"Gee."

"It's not to insult." Prussia added, "It's because America wants someone to dominate him and, so far, you're too nice to do that."

"Point taken…" Canada said stating that he understood Prussia's point of view but didn't like it.

"Hey, _bruder_." Germany said dragging the attention to his naked self, "Are you finished with me?"

"Yeah but just because your boyfriend is still here." Prussia answered with a mischievous grin.

"_Cosa_!?"

"Just ignore him Italy." The German said before retreating to behind the curtain to change into some clothes.

"Ah! Let me help you, _amore_!" Italy chimed running into the curtain after his lover.

To give the two love-nation-bird-things some privacy, Prussia and Canada retreated from the room to continue their conversation.

"So how do you plan to change me?" Canada asked as he pulled a shirt over his head.

"I think you're too nice for the old fashion way," Prussia admitted honestly, "So we might have to resort to the German way of erasing and reconstructing minds—"

"Hell no." Canada objected immediately.

"I'm not done." Prussia barked back, "Or we can use some of England's Black Magic."

There was a silent staring contest for a while as Canada scrutinised every part of Prussia's being to assess if he was actually serious or not.

"Are you stupid?" Canada asked bluntly when he realised his friend was actually serious.

"_Nein_, I am awesome." Prussia retorted, "Just trust me on this one. I know what I'm doing…sort of."

"No." Canada refused.

"Oh come on! It's not like there's any other way," Prussia stated, "Unless you want me to tamper with your mind and reconstruct you."

Canada was silent for a moment as he pondered his options. He probably was too nice to have his attitude changed 'the old fashion way' – whatever that was – and he certainly didn't want Prussia of all people to mess with his head – who knows what he'd do to him? – so his last, valid, less dangerous option was to use Black Magic. However, Canada couldn't get it out of his mind that Black Magic was the only solution because it was utterly stupid and the farthest thing from a realistic solution.

Or was it?

What if it did work?

"I can't believe I'm saying this…" Canada sighed, "Fine. We'll do the Black Magic thing…"

"Awesome!" Prussia cheered as he pumped one of his fists in the air. "I was actually kind of hoping you would let me mess with your head but I like this option too. We get to figure out if England's actually just a nut ball that needs to get laid soon or if he's actually legitimate."

And so, the epic duo set out together to reach England's house to try to change Canada with the use of Black Magic. During the trip to the Brit's place, they had discussed it would be better to sneak in and be secretive about it because England didn't like it when others used his magic book – something about unleashing evil forces and what not – and he would probably tell America the sudden changes in Canada's physique.

"Do you have any idea how to sneak in?" Canada asked.

"As a matter of fact, I do." Prussia stated. He clapped his hands together twice, the lights dimmed and a projection of the blue prints of England's mansion appeared on a wall to their left.

"What the hell."

"So this is England's house's layout." Prussia said before pulling out a pointing stick from his coat, "From what my sources tell me, England spends most of his time in his tea room, sipping tea, and in the basement, practicing Black Magic. But, today's a Saturday, and that means England will be grocery shopping from 1 PM to 3 PM thus leaving the house completely empty for two hours."

"Did you say _from what my sources tell me_?" Canada asked skeptically, "Are you saying you have German spies in England?"

Prussia paused for a minute, "Focus Canada." He ordered dismissing the question entirely, "Since no one's in the house, we'll just go in through the front door as to not alarm England when he comes back, perform the Black Magic spell quickly and leave. And no one will _ever_ know."

"What about your German spies?"

"Does everything have to be about my awesome self!?" Prussia snapped, "This is not about me, it's about you! Let's focus on you and forget about me for a while? Okay?"

And just like that Prussia skillfully avoided any other questions about the German spies he had sprinkled around England shortly before the beginning of World War II.

An hour later, because explaining the strategy had taken most of the time of the duration of the trip, they reached London at 1 PM sharp. It had taken them thirty supplementary minutes to actually reach England's house and come to a plan-altering realisation.

"The door's lock."

Indeed it was.

"Why would you think it wouldn't be locked!?" Canada snapped, "How are we supposed to get inside!?"

"Quiet! I can't think with all your nagging!" Prussia hushed harshly.

He looked around for an alternative solution and found a large rock. With enough force, he managed to shatter the window with it, enter the house and unlock the door.

"What about not alarming England?" Canada reminded, unimpressed.

"Whatever, we can just blame France for this." Prussia shrugged.

"Wow, you're a great friend."

"Do you want to become buff enough to get into America's pants or not!?"

And without further nagging, Canada entered the house and followed Prussia down into the dark, damp basement of England's house.

"Damn it this place is creepy." Prussia stated as he grabbed a torch from the wall, "I feel like we're back in the year 900 all over again."

"You know," Canada stated as he looked around vigilantly, he was probably expecting a ghost or a demon to pop out of nowhere, "When I think about it, this was probably why he forbade America and me to come down here as children."

"Ha! See! You guys are brothers!" Prussia stated victoriously, "Why else would you live in the same house!?"

"You're retarded." Canada growled, "If we lived in the same house it was because I was ripped from France's house – which isn't all that bad considering he's a horrible influence for children – and planted here. With America."

"Close enough."

"This is why I don't like having these types of conversations with you."

"Oh just shut up. You're too un-awesome to beat me in these debates anyways!"

Canada sighed deeply and face palmed himself as he reminded himself to stay calm, that not all nations were as dumb as Prussia.

After a supplementary moment of walking in silence, the two nations reached a metal door decorated with a five point star in a circle painted in red.

"That's not creepily demonic at all."

They pushed the door open to reveal a room with walls covered in books and another pentacle, larger this time, surrounded by black candles in the center.

"If England's Black Magic isn't true…" Prussia began as he stepped into the room, "He has some serious problems."

The two then began searching through countless books for England's specific Black Magic encyclopedia which contained an impressive amount of spells of all sorts.

"Ha! Canada! Come look at this!" Prussia called from the other end of the room, a large book in his hands.

"Did you find it?" Canada asked as he wandered closer.

"No! But check it out!" Prussia said as he showed him the book, "It's called _Mythical Sex Creatures_."

Canada smirked against his will, "That's very… special… on England's part."

"I know right? Let's check it out!" Prussia declared as he opened the book.

"We should actually conce—"

"Oh my god! There's a section on Elves!" Prussia exclaimed out of utter shock.

"Really? I thought those guys were nice and peaceful." Canada mumbled as he peaked over the Prussian's shoulder, "You know? A little like Legolas from Lord of the Rings."

"Well here it says…_Elves love nothing more than to kidnap people and hold them as, well let's be honest here, sex slaves._" There was a pause before Prussia closed the book after reading the following lines, "Let's just concentrate on finding the Black Magic book."

"Y-yea…" Canada stuttered, trying to control his blush.

They searched for a few more minutes when Canada finally found it. The book was clearly the largest, most ruined and oldest book in all the collection which indicated the England had used it multiple times.

"So how do you suppose we find the spell we're looking for in here?" Canada asked examining the book.

"Maybe there's a glossary at the back?" Prussia suggested.

Canada had thought that the suggestion was utterly stupid but kept his opinion to himself and checked anyways. He was right, there was nothing there but the two had discovered that the printed characters changed to England's hand writing within the last few pages.

"He invented some spells." Prussia stated before laughing his ass off. "That's rich! He thinks it actually works!"

Canada began flipping through the hand written pages and stopped on one of them, "_S__educentibus __Americae__._" He read aloud.

"_Was_?" Prussia asked as he calmed his laughter.

"It's the name of the spell." Canada explained, "It's Latin for _Seducing America_."

"How do you know?"

"Well look at it, it looks like the English word _seduce_ and America's name." Canada stated, pointing at the specific line.

After Prussia read said line, the two exchanged a perplexed look before bursting into a fit of laughter together. They wheezed out their opinion on how stupid the spell was between breaths of laughter for a good hour before calming down enough to thinking about giving it a try.

"What are the spell's words?" Prussia asked choking laughter.

"It says," Canada read over quickly and controlled his urge to laugh, "_Americae __est stultus __git__,__Qui vult__nihil nisi__dominan s__hominum__, __Sic__spiritus __umbra__, __Obsecro__te __mal a__mihi __asinum__._"

The fit of laughter returned immediately. Prussia fell to the floor, holding his stomach as tears poured over his face like a waterfall whereas Canada leaned against a wall for support as he laughed almost as much as the former on the ground.

"_O-oh mein Gott_! M-my stomach!" Prussia wheezed, "What is wrong with this guy!?"

"I don't even—" Canada was interrupted by his own laughter, "the worse part is that we're going to try it out!"

And so, after a few longer minutes of laughing until it was horribly painful, Canada stood in the middle of the pentacle and recited the spell, giggling and mispronouncing words due to feeling ridiculous and Prussia not helping the least bit.

Once the spell was delivered, there was a moment of silence, waiting for something that obviously never came. This only caused the two intruders to laugh even more, masking the steps of England as he ran towards his Black Magic room and kicked the door in.

"Be gone demons!" England yelled brandishing a cross.

Prussia and Canada paused, looked at England and then each other before resuming their laughter. Both were now crying on the floor as England began lecturing them, completely flustered, on breaking and entering, respecting one's privacy and the mistake of mocking Black Magic.

"If you two keep this up, you'll anger the Shadow Spirits!" England warned.

But his warning went unheard for the laughter increased in volume thus flustering the Brit all the more.

After angering England to the point of literally pissing him off, Prussia and Canada were kicked out of the house and walked off, trying as best as they could to stifle their laughter as they returned to Germany.

So Black Magic actually was complete bull crap.

* * *

_Kanada_ – Canada (in German)

_Was_ – What (in German)

_Il suo magnifico_ – it's magnificent (in Italian)

_Bruder_ – brother (in German)

_Cosa_ – what? (in Italian)

_Americae__est stultus__git__,__Qui vult__nihil nisi__dominans__hominum__,__Sic__spiritus__umbra__, __Obsecro__te__mala__mihi__asinum__ – _America is a stupid git, who wants nothing more but dominant men, thus spirit of shadow, I call upon yee to make me bad ass (in Latin)

_Mein gott –_ my God (in German)

* * *

**Right, so I know I said that this Chapter would have 2P!Canada-alterego-thing in it and it WAS going to...but then I was like: 'Nah! Let's fuck around and have him appear in Chapter 3 instead!'**

**And he will! Don't worry about it! Also remember that, wherever 2P!Canada-alterego-thing is, smutt is never too far away *hint, hint***

**So, who's brain was mind fucked during this thing? xP**

**BTW, I'll try to get chapter 3 out as soon as possible!**

**SEE YOU NEXT CHAPTER!**


	3. Let's Talk Bad Ass

**So I don't even know what's wrong with Prussia in this chapter xD He's just being his old retarded self just like when the story first began. Italy, however, I find has changed since last chapter and is much less perverted than I made him out to be in this chapter...I think...**

**I know this story isn't about Germany and Italy but I seriously love having them in this right now xP**

**THANKS FOR THE ADDITIONAL WORLD WIDE VIEWS FROM **Australia, Finland, Denmark, Argentina, Romania, Chile, Peru **and** New Zeland**! LORD OF THE RINGS FOREVER! YEAH!**

**I seriously adore the new function to see who in the World is reading the stories one writes xP**

**Anyways, ENJOY!**

* * *

There had been a three day pause in which Prussia had tried his best to convince Canada that it would be fine to have his brain manipulated and reconstructed, but his arguments weren't strong enough to persuade the weary nation. During those torturous days, Canada had taken the initiative to work out on his own to keep his muscles ripped for when the time would come to introduce himself anew to America. And during those very same days, America had pestered him with calls about wanting to hang out and such and Canada couldn't even begin to describe how painful it was to resist them.

But those three cruel days of waiting were over, Prussia, in all his awesomeness had discovered an alternative.

On orders, Canada had presented himself back to Germany's house and bet with the German brothers and the peppy Italy in the living room. At first Canada had thought it to be some sort of an intervention and quickly defended himself.

"It was one time! I was curious and Holland made me do it!" He stated backing up towards the door.

The three sitting exchanged perplexed looks, "I have no idea what you're talking about and I don't care." Prussia brushed off as he attacked the reason of Canada's summoning, "But I've discovered a most awesome way to make you act more bad ass."

"You know, _bruder_," Germany began disappointedly, "That sentence was poorly structured in every way."

"You know what, _West?_ I don't care." Prussia glared.

"And the idea to change Canada was _my_ idea." Italy added.

"Seriously, who cares?"

"_Faccio_."

"No one, that's what I thought," Prussia growled dismissing Italy, "Anyways," he then pulled out a pocket watch, "That's how we're going to change you."

"You're giving me a pocket watch?" Canada mumbled discouraged, "How is that supposed to change anything?"

"Now you're the one who's being stupid!" Prussia retorted, "We're going to hypnotize you and awake that bad ass-ness of yours."

"But Prussia doesn't know a thing about _ipnosi_ so I'll be the one doing it." Italy smiled.

Canada felt relieved that it wasn't Prussia who was to be in charge of the whole hypnosis operation; if he would have been, he would have obviously refused.

"So how are we going to do this?" Canada asked as he took a seat opposite to the couch that was nesting Germany, Italy and Prussia.

"_Prima_, a makeover will be in order." Italy instructed, "My _ipnosi_ will function on aspects of your look so we need to give you a makeover now and not after the spell is cast."

And so the three left to the nearest shopping mall in order to find Canada some bad ass clothes. When they arrived, they headed to the first potential store in sight named _Badass__Kleidung_. The first thing noticeable about the store, in Canada's opinion, was the large poster of someone dressed bad ass showing the finger.

"I think this store is a winner." Prussia chuckled as he moved through the racks.

Italy suggested that Canada do the same while he and Germany investigated for more clothes at the other end of the store. Near the changing rooms.

As Canada looked through some clothes he stumbled upon a red jacket with black stripes on the shoulders. He looked it over and decided to keep it because it looked a lot like his Mounty uniform but just more bad ass.

Bad ass.

As he continued through there was nothing else that sparked much interest so he grabbed clothes at random such as a black muscle shirt, some ripped jeans and some new red sneakers that looked pretty nice.

When he was satisfied with the clothes he had chosen, he was soon met by Italy and Germany who, just after having a little fun in the changing rooms, discovered a nice pair of black gloves and black shades.

"This will go nice together." Italy giggled and directed the shy nation to the changing area.

"Hey, where's Prussia?" Germany asked as he looked around the store quickly.

The Prussian was nowhere to be found within sight limitation. Shrugging it off and judging that it would be best without him around, Canada tried on the clothes and presented himself to the two nations ready to review his new look.

"_Ja_, you almost look like you're part of a street gang." Germany complemented.

"But there's something that's still off." Italy added.

And as if it were his cue, Prussia came running towards them, his arms filled with tons of medical fabric rolls to dress wounds.

"_Jungs_! Look what I found!" he said before dumping the load in his arms on the ground.

"Why do you have those?" Canada asked perplexed.

"To make you look more bad ass, duh." Prussia said as if it were obvious, which it should have been, "Now take off that coat and the shirt."

Canada did as told and let Prussia wrap the medical band around his torso with one strap around the left shoulder to keep the bottom in place. When he finished, Prussia ordered Canada to put the Mounty-like coat back on and admired his work.

"Put the shades." He added. Canada quickly did as he was told, "Awesome."

"I like this much better." Germany nodded in approval.

Italy, however, shook his head, "There's still something missing."

After a moment of intense staring, Italy had seemed to have uncovered what had been bothering him. He quickly left the store and returned with an elastic which he used to tie back some of Canada's hair.

"_Perfetto!_" Italy grinned.

It was now Canada's turn to admire his makeover or dress-over – to be more accurate – in a mirror. He did look pretty bad ass and everything he was wearing just seemed to be complementing his new form.

"Hey Prussia…" Canada began.

"_Ja_?"

"Where did you get so many medical band…things…?" He asked poking at them.

"Oh, there was an ambulance and a bunch of paramedics running around the place," Prussia explained as if it were no big deal, "They left the ambulance they drove in unguarded so I decided to explore and found a bunch of these."

All three nations twitched.

"Why was there an ambulance…?" Germany asked slowly, not sure he wanted to know why.

"I'm not sure." Prussia admitted as he thought back on what he had seen a few minutes prior, "Some guy was missing a lot of skin…the bands might have been useful for him but, oh well, Canada needs them more."

Before any of them could flip shit at Prussia – thought it most likely would have been Germany or Canada – an employee working at the store noticed Canada in all his bad ass-ness and begged, in German, to take a picture for the sake of the store.

Reluctant but flattered, Canada agreed. He was given a quick prop – a hockey stick chosen by Prussia – and posed as best as he could and tried not to appear awkward in the picture. The employee squealed – which was weird because it was a pretty buff, manly looking guy – he thanked Canada and told him that he could have the clothes for free.

The dress-over now complete, Canada, Italy, Germany and Prussia returned to the mansion where they had seemed to spend most of their time and prepared for Italy's hypnosis. Italy then explained how the pocket watch would come into play and how his looks would affect the spell he was about to cast.

"My _ipnosi_ resembles the typical one you can see on TV," he explained as he looked over the pocket watch, "I will ask you to follow the swaying of the watch with your eyes only and convince your mind of certain things. When you are completely under my _ipnosi_ I will have your mind create an alter ego that will only activate when you do something specific."

"And what's that specific thing?" Canada asked, he was feeling nervous about the whole thing.

"_Non lo so_." Italy answered, "I was planning on letting you decide."

Canada thought for a moment before deciding the specific thing that would activate the alter ego about to birth within himself. "My hair." He answered, "I want it to activate when I tie my hair."

"Good idea." Prussia agreed, "It's convenient."

"All you'll need to do is keep a hair-elastic on you at all times." Germany informed.

Canada nodded in comprehension then gave the go for Italy to begin the hypnosis. The enchantment was short but effective, when Italy finished, he snapped his fingers which caused Canada to jerk his body straight.

No dared to say anything as they cautiously examined the Canada in front of them to see if any changes occurred.

"What the fuck are you staring at." He hissed, glaring at the three.

"Oh so it did work!" Italy giggled happily.

"But he's so rude now." Germany stated.

"_Ja_, he's rude because he's bad ass." Prussia informed, "That's how life works _West_."

Canada reached for the hair tie and pulled it out of his hair, releasing the golden strands from the restraint as to return back to his normal self. "Wow, I think it worked." Canada smiled happily.

"_Ja_ and guess what?" Prussia asked, grinning from ear to ear.

"What?"

"Tomorrow's a G8 meeting." He responded, "You get to test out your bad ass-ness on America so soon!"

* * *

And the G8 meeting couldn't have happened much faster than a line breaker in a story marking a time skip. Canada had felt uncomfortable at the idea of testing out his alter ego during such an important meeting but after being reassured by the three other nations that it wasn't like they were actually going to work during the meeting, Canada felt better about what he was going to do.

Hence the meeting took place at England's house who was bitter about receiving Prussia and Canada due to the incident of a few days ago. The two and Germany were the last ones that needed to arrive to the meeting because everyone else was present and ready to work. Well, except for America who was expressing how bored he was through noisy and loud whines that disrupted everyone present.

"America would you shut the bloody hell up!?" England hissed.

"But I'm so bored!" America whined leaning on the back legs of his chair, "And I think Canada's mad at me!"

"_Pardon_? Did I just hear someone say that _mon petit garçon_ was mad?" France asked jumping into the conversation. "Why would you think that?"

"Because he hasn't been returning any of my calls." America sighed slamming his face on the table.

"Maybe he is not home." France suggested with a friendly smile.

"But he was at home for five days before leaving for Germany yesterday." America moaned discouraged, "My spies even told me that he was next to his phone when I was calling."

"Your spies?" England repeated.

"Did I stutter?"

"Why would you have spies in Canada?" England asked confused.

"Why not?" America retorted.

England rolled his eyes, "You're too paranoid for your own good."

"Well, you can speak to Canada when he arrives." France reminded as to cheer up the Super Power, "It is not like he can avoid this meeting—"

And just like that, France was interrupted by bad ass Canada kicking the meeting door in and scanning the room viciously for America. Everyone stopped what they were doing to look at the normally quiet nation in shock.

Finally spotting America, Canada pointed his hockey stick towards him thus singling him out, "You." He said as he stalked over to America who had jumped out of his seat, ready to defend himself if need be.

"What?" America asked cautiously.

Canada gently placed the tip of the stick beneath America's chin, forcing him to raise his head as the former examined him. "You are a sexy son of a bitch, you know that?"

America blinked and blushed surprised to the point of not being able to say anything smart in return.

"Quiet?" Canada chuckled darkly, "I preferred you loud. No worry, I can fix that when I bring you to bed."

The shade of red darkened on America's face, "W-what…?"

"Come on." Canada growled grabbing America and flinging him on his shoulder as he walked away, "I've been wanting to fuck you hard in the ass for some time now."

America just stared at the four remaining members of the G8 in pure confusion but delight as he was hauled out of the meeting by someone with the attitude he craved in bed. Just as they left, Germany and Prussia entered the room, unfazed by bad ass Canada carrying America out of the room.

"_Que—_" France managed to utter after a moment of speechlessness.

"Did Mister America just…?" Japan asked aloud. "And Canada he…"

Italy giggled in his corner at the reaction of others towards what had just happened.

"I didn't think it would work that we—"

"My spell worked!" England cried in happiness, interrupting Prussia.

Oh, how foolish that Brit was to think Black Magic was the turning plot point to Canada's sad situation.

* * *

_Bruder_ – Brother (in German)

_Faccio_ – I do (in Italian)

_Ipnosi_ – hypnosis (in Italian)

_Prima_ – First (in Italian)

_Badass__Kleidung _– Bad Ass Clothes (in German)

_Jungs_ – Guys (in German)

_Perfetto_ – Perfect (in Italian)

_Non lo so_ – I don't know (in Italian)

_Pardon_ – Pardon (in French)

_Mon petit garçon_ – My little boy (in French)

_Que_ – What (in French)

* * *

**So I might have made some mistakes when I wrote or whatever, like last time a nice reviewer pointed out that I wrote 'Arthur' instead of Canada and that's always helpful because I don't always review my stories or whatever and I'm always really tired when I write them or in a special state of mind that I call that-one-moment-when-you-feel-insanely-retarded-and-have-weird-ass-ideas-that-are-funny-but-really-random-to-the-point-of-a-law-needing-to-be-placed-to-keep-you-from-writing-a-bunch-of-crap-asidus.**

**It's really magical.**

**Anyways! WHO'S BRAIN DEAD BESIDES ME?**

**SEE YOU NEXT CHAPTER!**


	4. Let's Get Down To Manly Business

**All I'm going to say is there's something seriously wrong with my general, random self and that fail sex scene is a fail U_U**

**Anyways...**

**ENJOY! (and don't get too brain damaged!)**

* * *

Canada hauled America into the janitor's closet prior to punching the janitor in the face – of course – and locking the door behind. America stumbled back a few steps due to tripping over the large amount of things piled in the tight space but gained balance by using the walls as leverage.

"C-Canada!" he stuttered clumsily, "What do you think you're doing!?"

Canada cupped America's chin before answering, "I was thinking of bringing you to a place with a bed," Canada admitted with a grin. "But then I couldn't control my raging need to stick it into you so I decided the closet would be just fine."

America blushed madly, "What is wrong with you!?"

"I'm perfectly fine." Canada chuckled moving in closer to America, his breathe tickly the other's ear, "Well, my boner's a little needy…but you can fix that."

Before America could object – not that he would have for long – Canada flipped the slightly smaller nation as to have his chest pressed against the wall and his butt leaning towards him. The Canadian pressed an arm next to America on the wall as to help with his stability and reached around to cup the louder nation's groin.

America gasped, "C-Canada…"

"You're getting hard…" Canada whispered huskily into America's ear sending shivers down his spine. "You keep acting like you don't want this, America, but in truth, you want it more than anything. You want me to stick my cock into you, don't you?"

"Canada…" America moaned as the mental image flooded his head.

"You want me to pummel that sweet ass of yours until you can't walk, don't you?"

"Ahh…"

"You want me to make you scream…"

"Haa…"

"To make you explode in ecstasy…"

"Canada…"

"To have me fill you with my cum…"

"Ahhn…Canada…"

"…Don't you?"

"You…perverted asshole…" America moaned leaning against the newly bad ass nation, "Just fuck my brains out already…"

"Don't mind if I do." Canada chuckled.

He untied America's pants and pulled out the large erection that had been hiding thus far. With slow, teasing pumps he hardened the erection as well as pulled out a few wanting moans from America who leaned into his touch. The Canadian then began to press his lips against the soft skin of America's neck adding to the moans as he bit down and sucked on a sensitive area. The American tilted his head to the left to expose more of his neck as he closed his eyes and concentrated on the pleasure Canada's actions were bringing him.

"I-I'm going to…" he gasped once he neared his limit.

"Good to know." Canada smirked as he released the grip he had on every part of America.

"W-what…?" America whined. "You can't do that!"

"I can."

"On what grounds?"

"I'm bad ass." Canada answered and America could have sworn that the top edge of the shades twinkled rapidly.

"W-well, what do I have to do for you to…?" America sighed and looked over his shoulder to see the Canadian that had been pleasuring him.

"To…?" Canada repeated with a smirk to have America finish his sentence.

"To…fuck me…" America mumbled blushing brightly.

Without a word Canada forced America on his knees which might have been painful for the wanting nation due to all the crap the janitor's closet was filled with but, of course, the Canadian bad ass could care less. Canada then took out his raging erection from his pants and pushed it towards America's face as he grinned widely.

"Suck it."

America hesitantly opened his mouth and took the erected organ into his mouth. He wasn't too sure on how a blowjob worked since he had never done it before hand – he was always on the receiving end of things. Slowly – and teasingly – he passed his tongue around the mushroom-like tip of Canada's manhood earning a few groans before the latter moved his hips forward.

"I didn't say tease." Canada growled.

America tried again, this time he decided to actually suck on the length and began bopping his head as he tried to remember how the people on TV seemed to have been doing it. For a complete beginner in the art of blow jobbing, America wasn't half bad – or so he assumed by the pleasant response Canada offered as he tangled his fingers in the former's hair. Soon enough that grip the Canadian had on his hair tightened drastically and yanked America's head back roughly as to stop him from anymore pleasurable actions.

"That'll be enough." Canada panted, his cheeks tinted lightly by a blush.

America simply nodded, his eyes hazed by the overwhelming lust he felt pumping throughout his body and stood with the help of his current sex-partner. "What now…?" he breathed.

"What do you think?" Canada smirked.

"Sex…"

"Bingo."

Without further ado, Canada greedily ripped off America's pants and boxers, which fell over a bucket filled with cleaning chemicals. With the help of the wall and a few lower shelves that contained more crap the only the janitor would find useful, America managed to hold himself up as Canada aligned himself to enter the source of his desires.

"W-wait…" America stuttered, his breath hitched. "Y-you're not going to stretch me…?"

"Do you want to waste that precious time?" Canada whispered in his ear causing a shiver to run down the American's spine.

"N-neh-no…but it'll hurt…" America moaned as the tip was pressed at his entrance.

"And it'll always feel good in the end." Canada reminded before pushing in his throbbing member into America.

America let out a half scream half moan before it being muffled by Canada's lips and tongue pervading his mouth. The pained American whimpered for some time, even with Canada touching him erotically to have him forget about the pain but it wasn't working effectively.

"That hurts like a bitch!" America snapped once his mouth was finally released. "I never gave you permission to just push it in! You probably ripped it."

Canada chuckled in amusement as he slowly began to thrust in and out, "you may be right, the movements feel easier." Canada declared tauntingly – what he said wasn't necessarily true but he felt the need to have America panic a little. "I think your blood might be lubricating everything."

"Oh god…" America cried exasperatedly for two reasons: the first being that he thought his ass was torn and the second was that, even though Canada's movements should have been hurting him at the moment, they felt wonderfully pleasurable. "Y-you have to stop…"

Canada pushed in deeper and glued his lips to America's neck, "Why would I do that?" his breath began to tickle America in a way that teased him to the point of feeling weak in the arms which was bad considering it was the only way he could hold himself up. "You're obviously enjoying."

With a rough thrust that was well aimed, Canada managed to attain America's prostate causing the latter to shudder and moan loudly. His eyes that once held concern for his butt's well-being were now filled to the brim with lust. Although there was still some level of residing pain, the vague pleasure began to take over and America started meeting his look-a-like's movements.

Shamelessly, America moaned aloud, unaware that the sounds he uttered steadily grew louder and attracted a hoard of female zombie-like perverts – lead by Japan – who curiously loured around, quietly, as to not frighten away the gay couple. However, they weren't necessarily aware that the _seme_ they were trying to identify was a total bad ass and wouldn't have been frightened by their horrid squeals that rivalled the frightening scream of ten thousand banshees.

The cue for the zombie-pervs to scatter was America's final shout of pleasure as he reached his limit and spilled his cum on his own chest. Canada came soon after but with a totally bad ass sounding noise because, you know, he was bad ass.

And stuff.

"Oh my god…" America sighed as he was wobbly set to his feet. "That was so…"

"Bad ass." Canada snickered as he adjusted his shades.

"Isn't that word getting overused?"

"No."

America proceeded to search the small area for his pants and boxers after he had rolled his eyes at the statement made by the Canadian. Once he found them, he was rather upset.

"Aww, look at this!" America growled. The place was rather dark but the light from the hallway dissolved enough of the darkness to have the two nations see a little more than just the silhouette of things. "My pants fell in that stupid bucket thing and now they're like short shorts!"

Canada snickered and grabbed his new sex-mate by the waist and pressed him closer. "I don't mind seeing you in those…" he stated, his tone deep and his breath tickling America's ear to the point of having him release a whimper.

"B-but…they'll make me look like a fag…" America argued weakly, his thoughts were being clouded by Canada's wandering hands.

"Isn't that what you are?" Canada laughed prior to biting down on America's neck.

"Don't bite me…" America huffed as he tried pushing the former away, "And let me rephrase that. They'll make me look like a slut…"

"Taking in consideration the sounds you made earlier," Canada grinned, "Wouldn't that still be accurate?"

"You're such an ass hole!" America playfully punched Canada's shoulder. It was then, in that darkness, that America finally noticed how the taller nation's hair was tied in a low ponytail, "Why is your hair up? Not that it doesn't suit you but I'm more used to seeing it down—"

And without warning America tugged on the elastic, releasing the hair and thus the bad ass-ness that had possessed Canada. His eyes widened in shock but also anxiety since he didn't really know what to do anymore.

_My bad ass self would have probably known_…Canada thought bitterly. _I need to get the elastic back_…

"You know," America began, twirling the elastic that lassoed his index, "I thought you'd look more like a bottom with your hair down but I don't think it's changed much."

"R-really?" Canada stuttered subconsciously.

"Okay that stutter may have changed my opinion just now." America added.

"Right…just give me back the elastic…" Canada mumbled reaching for the thing, however America pulled it out of his reach playfully.

"You're going to have to _make_ me give it back to you if you really do want it back." The American smirked.

Canada rolled his eyes and tried to think of something completely bad ass to do to get the elastic back and, as easy as it was, the problem was acting bad ass without seeming absolutely awkward. And so, as Canada tried to control the nervous trembling that overtook his entire body, he placed a mildly firm hand on America's lower back, pressed their bodies closer than they already were and said:

"Don't f-fuck with me and give it back…" in the most awkward way imaginable.

America burst into a fit of laughter. "What the crap happened that that bad ass-ness?"

Canada growled lowly, as he usually did before lunging for the elastic quickly and snapping it out of America's grasp. "I don't have time for that! Geez! I have to go!"

He reached adjusted his pants quickly and fixed his hair that was partly messy before ditching the half naked American in the janitor's closet.

"H-hey! Wait for me Canada!" America demanded as he quickly slipped on his new pair of short shorts and attempted to chase after him.

However, Canada, without knowing why, had begun running as well – and faster than he ever had – to reach the exit and potentially lose America in the crowd of people around the building. Needless to say, today wasn't his day and the usual crowd that he had thought of as annoying had decided it would have been a good time to randomly disappear thus leaving Canada to continue running his ass off in order to escape the persistent Super Power.

* * *

"That's so lame!" Prussia laughed over the phone noisily.

Canada grumbled something about Prussia being the worst friend ever at times before going back to the reason of his call. "Whatever, what do I need to do to keep him from pulling out the elastic next time?" Canada asked a little desperately.

"I don't know, but since I'm so awesome, I'll try to come up with something." Prussia reassured, "But try not to be as lame as you were after your closet-sex thing."

"I make no promises." Canada stated with a heavy sigh.

"Whatever, you should catch some rest now." Prussia said, clearly wanting to cut the conversation short, "Besides, I need to go. West is going to take a shower soon and Italy's nowhere to be found."

"Seriously, there's something horribly wrong with you." Canada sighed with a light smile.

"I know, but that's what makes me awesome!" the odd ex-nation snickered. "_Tschüs!_"

Canada pressed the off button of the phone and tossed on the coffee table in front of his couch. Kumajirou crawled into his arms and nuzzled his face into his owner's chest as he asked "Who?" his typical question.

Instead of answer, Canada just scratched the animal's ear earning something similar to a purr which crept him out because he was pretty sure bears didn't purr at all. He then concluded that Kumajirou might have been a cat in an ulterior life and thus decided his purring-like noise was completely normal.

As such, comfortable seated on his couch, Kumajirou purring – because it wasn't weird at all – along with the warmth of his home and the thought of actually have gotten into America's pants; Canada was content but also dozing off.

* * *

"Wake the fuck up." A familiar voice hissed.

Canada's eyes fluttered open only to be greeted by a familiar silhouette in a completely white room. "Who…?" he mumbled half awake.

"Take a fucking guess."

His eyes adjusted and Canada was rather shock to see himself, in his bad ass clothes standing in front of him. "Well this is the weirdest dream's I've had by far in a long time." Canada concluded.

"Ha-fucking-ha. You're a comedian, now shut the hell up and listen to me." Badass Canada ordered roughly. "This isn't a dream, I'm as real as the sky is blue. _Comprende_?"

"Uh…okay…" Canada responded unconvinced.

"You don't believe me, do you?"

"Not really, no." Canada admitted.

"Doesn't matter, when you wake up, you'll know I'm real." Badass Canada concluded.

"So I _am_ dreaming!"

"Hey! Don't you start acting like a smartass with me!" Badass Canada warned.

"Sorry."

"Good, now I'm going to explain why I'm talking to you right now so don't fucking interrupt me, understood!?" Badass Canada asked, Canada just nodded in return thus allowing the other to proceed. "I'm not supposed to be here, able to manifest myself in your body at all but that Italy-kid used hypnosis to create me but didn't expect me to develop a soul of my own. My being here makes no sense at all which is why we need to get rid of me."

"B-but I can't! You're the only way I can get into America's—"

"Yeah, yeah, get into that idiot's ass and fuck his brains out, I know, I was there, I was in control." Badass Canada cut off, his tone overly cocky. "Don't worry about it, the only way I can leave is by making you badass and awesome enough to have America love all of you; the badass-ness _and_ the shy, awkward thing you naturally are."

Canada nodded, "Oh…okay…"

"Now I looked through your memories," Badass Canada admitted, "I saw how Prussia trained you to develop _some_ muscles and also saw his incompetence in training others."

"I wouldn't say that…" Canada defended, "He's the one who trained Germany to become as built as he is now."

"Oh please, you actually believed that crap!?" Badass Canada sighed, "He shoved a bunch of steroids down Germany's throat, that's why he's as big as he is now! And he did the same thing to you! Except he placed a few pills in your water bottle and since you didn't drink much of it, it didn't have much of an effect!"

"That bastard!"

"Exactly, now wake the fuck up so we can get started on conquering America's heart!"

* * *

_Tschüs – _Bye (in German)

_Comprende – _Understand? (in Spanish)

* * *

**Badass Canada was always meant to be an 'independent' character (if you know what I mean because I don't really know how else to explain it) so Canada's going to have a lot of fun talking to him in his head xD**

**And Badass Canada's random use of Spanish is justified by...Coca Cola. Yeah. Exactly. *is drinking coke***

**I personally preffer Pepsi U_U**

**Anyways, I'm not sure how to feel about this chapter because I think what I wrote was total shit (granted that the three other chapters were shit but not in the same sense as I mean here) So I'm sorry for some of you that will be like 'Da fuq!?'**

**I'LL TRY HARDER NEXT TIME! AND I'LL MAKE SURE THE SEX SCENE ISN'T AS CRAPPY AS THIS ONE!**

**Btw, for those who can't tell, I use google translate so if there are mistakes that you know FOR A FACT that are mistakes, then tell me. If you're PRETTY SURE or if you THINK that it's wrong, don't even say it because you're NOT POSITIVE *is going to admit that it's annoying when someone who isn't sure about what they're saying is trying to correct someone else***

**Anyways**

**SEE YOU NEXT CHAPTER!**


	5. Announcement

**Hello guys, long time no update for this story**

**Sadly, I must announce that Bad Ass is now on hiatus because I simply don't have the motivation to continue the story anymore**

**I'm sure some of you agree, this story has gone from slap-stick comedy to something generally just silly and for that reason, my motivation to continue it lowers almost to the brink of nothingness. **

**I apologize to those who still wanted more of Mattie and Mattie-2P's adventures on seducing America but, like I said, this story has simply bored me and I do not want to continue anymore.**

**Nonetheless, the hiatus isn't necessarily permanent. If one day this notice disappears from the chapter selection, that means that I'm currently writing the fourth chapter and will be uploading soon. However, for the sake of keeping false hope at bay, the chances of the previously mentioned thing happening are really low.**

**All I can really say is sorry, hope you're not too disappointed :)**

**- Ary (AKA. Yumi-Tsubato)**


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